So I've been struggling lately with being positive. It has just been really hard for me and I can't really put my finger on the reason. This entire year, especially following my dad's death in October, it has been so hard for me to socialize. I think this is because, when my dad died I had a really hard time with it and I really struggled with talking to people about it. I didn't know why I was feeling the way I was feeling and I couldn't really make them understand. I knew most people had no idea what to say so I just decided to spare them the details and not talk about it. Well, considering that was pretty much the only thing on my mind for a while there, I just didn't talk as much, because I had nothing else to talk about.
But the world didn't stop for me and my grief. So I lost all the friends that I did have - except for Kelsey, my roommate. She stuck with me through all the crying and confusion and helped to comfort and distract me. But everyone else stopped talking to me because I was not as fun or as nice to talk to.
Now I'm extra depressed because I don't have any friends, so I get upset and stay in my room.. which doesn't make me any more friends. It's a vicious cycle that I just can't win.
I even had a big fight with Kelsey about it, which completely broke my heart. She is the one friend I have so I really can't afford to lose her! So I'm going to therapy starting next week, or at least trying to! I have a consultation set up on Feb 28th, hopefully it goes well and I can keep going to get some help working through my problems. Life struggles are always easier when someone else helps you..
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