Nathan James

So I have this thing, where I will be interested in a boy, I'll flirt with him, try to get him to ask me out (sometimes he will) then as soon as he actually starts to like me or even think about any sort of commitment, I freak out, decide I don't like him at all and completely push him out of my life.

Then I met Nathan James.

I had gotten to know him a little bit at the beginning of fall semester when we started working together, I developed a bit of a crush on him, but then I found out he had a girlfriend. So there went that! I of course continued to be his friend and get to know him more. Fast forward many months. I found out that he had broken up with his girlfriend and I could tell he was pretty upset about it. I felt really bad for him, so I just kept being the best friend I knew how to be. 

Then I started having feelings for him again. In my eyes, he is just so good. Genuinely good. The good that makes you feel comfortable and know that he won't ever intentionally do anything to hurt you, or anyone for that matter. The kind of good you want to surround yourself with because you know it will help you be good.

And I don't usually get the "good" ones.

Nevertheless, I did my usual flirting, trying-to-get-him-to-ask-me-out thing. And when weeks went by and nothing happened, I was a bit discouraged, but not willing to give up my friendship with him. 

Then one day he did ask me on a date! And then I asked him on one. Then he asked me. And within a few weeks I lost count. All I knew was that I really liked him and I liked spending time with him.

Which brings us to this weekend.

He invited me to watch Star Wars with him (I have never seen it and never had a desire to see it) but it was an excuse to be with him so I accepted. We talked for awhile and, knowing that I wasn't the biggest fan of Star Wars, he asked me a question. "Out of everything you could've been doing with your Friday night, why did you choose to spend it watching Star Wars with me?" So I was honest and told him that it was because I like him and I like spending time with him.

So we decided to see each other the very next day.

He came over after I got off work and we watched a chick flick (he repayment for me watching Star Wars) and we went to the store with my roommates. That's where he asked me if I'd go on a walk with him later that night. I accepted of course. On our walk he asked me lots of questions. About what I wanted, what I thought about things, we talked about his family and me meeting them, 

He also told me that he would like to be my boyfriend. 

And I didn't freak out!

I'm going to Idaho with him this week, his sister Nichole is getting home from her mission and he wants me to come with him. He wants to introduce me to his family but seeing as how it's a pretty big family day, I'm going to wait to meet them. But I do get to spend 9 hours in the car with him! So that'll be a fun drive.

The moral of the story is that I feel really good about this. Neither one of us are ready for marriage right now, so don't get all worked up. But I like him a lot. And he likes me enough to give this relationship a shot, which is enough for me! And the best part of this is that we're in it because we care enough about each other to want to help one another and help each other be happy. If that's not a good starting point, I don't know what is.

I don't know what's going to happen in the next couple weeks, and I don't know what's going to happen when we have to spend the summer apart, but I do know that I feel oddly calm about it all.

I'm not freaking out!

And I like that a whole lot.

The Dating Scene

Dating is a common topic in my life. 

I'm a 23 year old returned missionary living in Logan, Utah. My bishop talks about dating all the time, my roommates talk about dating all the time. My visiting teachers and home teachers constantly ask me about dating. My family wants to know all the ins and outs of my dating escapades. I was even on a dating panel in my ward the other week, giving advice and answering common questions and concerns about dating. And I am constantly surrounded by engagements, wedding announcements, break-ups, new babies, and all that comes with the falling in and out of love.

So where does that leave me?

Well, a year ago, I was a full-time missionary preparing to come home. In my mind, I'd move back to Logan, start up school again, and dating would just... happen. And I figured it wouldn't happen right away but I thought that, pretty soon, it would "work out" and I would get married. Now, I haven't completely given up that thought, and I'm still holding fast to the faith that it will, one day, "work out". But it has proven to be a lot harder than expected.

You see, I'm imperfect (crazy, I know) and I'm surrounded by imperfect boys who, in most cases, are just as scared about this whole dating thing as I am. And it seems that the boy I want to ask me out always has his eyes set on another girl. But the boys I'm not interested in, are chomping at the bit ready to ask me out and are already thinking of marriage plans. It's quite the predicament. 

Up until last week, I had only been asked on a date by one boy that I actually really liked! (two days later he took out another girl who he is marrying in a couple weeks.) And that's pretty much how it's gone.

Dating is hard. Everyone is pining after or interested in someone, and usually that person is going after someone else. We put in so much effort only to get rejected or get our hearts broken. We spend money, time, and effort on people who usually don't appreciate and hardly ever will reciprocate it. 

So why do we do it?

We do it for the one. The one person it's finally going to work out with. The one person that will completely shock us with the invitation to join them at an activity. The one person who will be just as nervous and scared as we are because, for once, we mean as much to them as they do to us. That one person that we'll feel so wonderfully comfortable with, yet who will push us to be and do better. We do it for that one person. 

So in the meantime, we put up with the confusion, with the rejection, with the agitation and the pain. We do that now so that when we meet the one we will recognize and appreciate the joy and the comfort and pure bliss that we feel with them.

And once I have luck with that one, my one, dating won't be consuming my life, which will just be a cherry on top.