February 8th - Matched and started talking on OkCupid
February 13th - Started texting
February 15th - First phone date, it lasted exactly 5 hours and 20 minutes
February 22nd - First date, went to the USU v. Weber State hockey game (we lost)
February 22nd - We held hands and kissed for the first time
March 11th - We (seriously) talked about getting married for the first time
March 13th - He told me he loved me for the first time
I've truly never felt this way about someone before. Shortly after we started talking (and I mean SHORTLY) I felt like he was the one. It's not like it was love at first sight and I wasn't head over heels for the guy, but I had this sense of familiarity. Kind of like it just clicked. Like "oh yeah, it's you. You're the one." That feeling came on February 14th. About a week after we had started talking. Crazy, right?
Now here's the problem. There aren't actions to match the feelings or words. Although he tells me he loves me, that he wants to marry me, that I'm the one for him, that we need to plan when we're getting married and where we're living and what he's doing with his house, etc, etc. He hasn't taken the time to take me on a second date! It's been over a month since our first date, over a month since I've seen him and kissed him. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but he hasn't been able to carve out an hour of his time to spend with me in the last month.
I've offered to drive down to Layton, I've told him we don't have to do anything besides sit on the couch and just be together. I've asked so many times to let me see him (sometimes it's felt like begging) and I don't think he knows how incredibly unwanted and unimportant and stupid and desperate it makes me feel. At least I hope he doesn't know, because if he knew and still did this, that would make him so incredibly cruel. I just don't understand.
Part of me wants to simply give up. I know I deserve better. I deserve someone who takes the time to see me. Someone who wants to be with me. Someone who can't go a month without holding my hand or kissing me.
Honestly, if it were anyone else, I probably would have given up. A while ago. But there's something about this one. Something that is stopping me from walking away.
The funny thing is... I'm in love with him. I do want to marry him. I want to spend my life with him. Have kids with him. Sleep next to him. Walk dogs with him. Kiss him everyday. I want all of that. And I'd tell him that, but not over the phone. And to be 100% honest, I'm not sure how much longer I can handle a relationship over the phone.
